Feline Kombat
Note: This is a parody of Mortal Kombat, for those who don't play video games. Characters: Starpion/Firestar/Scorpion Bum-Zero/Bumblestripe/Sub-Zero Dovetana/Dovewing/Kitana Pooleena/Ivypool/Mileena Jay/Jayfeather/Jax Tiger/Tigerstar/Blaze Ragtile/Raggedstar/Reptile Cintax/Cinderheart/Cyrax Lo' Tail Cho'/Lionblaze/Bo' Rai Cho' Raven/Ravenpaw/Raiden Quail Pool/Leafpool/Quan Chi Shad-Khan/Shadow/Shao-Khan Crowmac/Crowfeather/Ermac Nightcloof/Nightcloud/Nightwolf Squang-Tzung/Squirrelflight/Shang-Tzung Plus more but I need to get to the story. Chapter 1. Feline Kombat There was an evil fort on top of a mountain. In this evil fort, there are evil cats. These evil cats could take over the world, if they'd stop betraying each other. Shad-Kahn: Let's go. The portal is open. To Thunderrealm! Squang-Tzung: Okay.(Holds huge sword above his head.) Shad-Khan: Are you trying to kill me again? Squang-Tzung: (Sweating) What? No! I was killing a fly. Shoo! Shoo fly! (Swats at air) Shad-Khan: Yeah, you're a terrible liar. Squang-Tzung: How dare you make an inaccurate accusation! For that I'll chop your head off! Shad-Khan: Not if I chop yours off first! Quail Pool: Stop bickering. Squang-Tzung: Your mom! Quail Pool: How dare you insult my hideous, old mom! Sandstorm: What was that? Don't make me come down there and stop your silly game! Leafpool: (Taking off costume.) Aw, mom, please! This is getting good! Anyway, How dare you! Squang-Tzung: Whatcha gonna do? Quail Pool: I'll kill you! (Leaps at Squang-Tzung and Shad-Khan.) Meanwhile, in Thunderrealm... Raven: I sense a great disturbence. Starpion: You must be sensing yourself! You reek! Raven: ( Narrowing eyes.) Very funny. But all jokes aside, evil is fighting. Each other, that is, but still, if they attack us, I don't know if I can beat them again. Starpion: I know you could! That odor of yours would make them pass out in a heartbeat! Raven: (Back fur rising) If you're just going to insult me, them buzz off. Starpion: I know where to go. Raven: You do? Why didn't you say so? Let's go! Starpion takes Raven to a bathhouse. Raven: I thought you said you knew where to go! Starpion: I did. (Pushes Raven into the bathhouse, waits until he gets cleaned.) Raven: (Very angry) Happy now? Starpion: (Holding nose.) Nope! When you were made immortal, so was your B.O. ! Raven: (Surrounded by electricity.) Want me to zap you?! Starpion: (Fire surrounding him.) Only if you want to be roasted! Raven: Fighting will solve nothing Starpion: You're right. Let's get Jay and Bum-Zero. They're training in Fire Village Raven: (Nodding.) Let's go. Meanwhile, in Fire Village... Jay: Wow! That was a good spar! Bum-Zero: Sure was! But not as good as the princess. Jay: (Sighing.) You really love Dovetana, don't you? Bum-Zero: Yup. Jay: Well... get over yourself! We have to save the world! (Jumps up and slaps Bum-Zero.) Bum-Zero: Wait! Someone's co- (Gets rammed by Shad-Khan.) Shad-Khan: Don't try fighting me. Everything about you is weak. Even your name. It sounds like you're a hobo that needs to get a life! Bum-Zero: At least my brain isn't stupid! (Slashes Shad-Khan into a tree.) Shad-Khan: This isn't over! (Runs off.) Bum-Zero: Someone else is coming! Raven and Starpion appear. Starpion: Hi Fatso! Hi Hobo! Raven: (Facepaw) What he means is hello. We've come to take you to defeat our enemies. Bum-Zero: B-but we don't have our gear! Raven: Well, get some. This is going to be a wild ride... Chapter 2: 'Training' In Water Village... Lo' Tail Cho' : Okay, do you know the new move? Cromac: What move?! You went to the Leaf Bar and got drunk! Lo' Tail Cho' : No, I taught you a move... 'How to barf on the floor'. I also taught you... 'How to get punched in the face after insulting one's shoes'. Cromac: You did that. I was outside, waiting for you to not pay the bill and run away from the chef. Lo' Tail Cho' : He got mad. I made sure to make dirt on the floor before I did, too. Also, TWO RABBITS IS OVERPRICED FOR A CRAB COLADA! Crowmac: If you wouldn't eat them all before you payed, you might not be worried about that. Lo' Tail Cho' : Oh, so it's my fault! Cromac: YES! So was Christmas last year, when you spilled a drink on Raven and blew up the place, and Holloween when you mugged the old lady for not giving you candy! Lo' Tail Cho' : She gave me Snickers! I wanted some AMJ! Cromac: Old ladies don't have alchoholic beverages unless they have husbands! It's a known fact! Lo' Tail Cho' : Phooey on science! I always liked history, where you learn about people chopping off emperor's heads in battle! Cromac: May I remind you that you still got an F- in that? Lo' Tail Cho' : Whatever, I'm going on my nap break for five hours. *Falls down and sleeps instantly.* *Raven appears the second Lo' Tail Cho' falls asleep.* Cromac: Did you appear after he fell asleep because you didn't want to put up with him? Raven: No, just good timing. Now listen. Squang-Tzung and the others are planning the deaths of us all. Although they probably want to kill each other more, they could still do it. Cromac: Every time they tried, they got as far as McQuackee's, ordered a duck-burger, and complained about the fish-fry size. Raven: They're powerful, they're just too dumb to realize it. Now, here's our top secret plan... Chapter 3: A Plan of Their own... Shadowrealm... Quail-Pool: I have a solution! Squang-Tzung: What? Quail-Pool: You don't know? I thought you had mind reading powers. Squang-Tzung: I have telepathy. In other words, I can make you eat tapioca until you blow up. Quail-Pool: Wait... Does that mean you can just make the Thunderrealm cats do that? Why haven't you done that already?! Squang-Tzung: ... Shad-Khan: I'm back from McQuakee's! They have vole tail rings. They're too small! *Complains.* Squang-Tzung: Shut up, you fool! I need to focus on killing the Thunderrealm cats with my limited mental capacity! *Focuses.* Meanwhile... Starpion: I have the sudden urge to stuff myself with pie. Raven: Just eat this leaf. Meanwhile... Squang-Tzung: It's tapioca, you dolt! TAPIOCA. Meanwhile... Starpion: I want tapioca now. Raven: Eat this mouse dung. Meanwhile: Squang-Tzung: ... Okay, that's just gross. I'll focus on Cromac... Meanwhile... Cromac: *Knows what Squang-Tzung is trying to do.* Here's a taste of your own medicine... Meanwhile: Squang-Tzung: I think I'll jump off a cliff, with pointy rocks! *Does just that.* CURSEEEE YOUUUU CROMACCCCC! Meanwhile: Cromac: *Smirks.* That'll show her. Chapter 4: The Rest of the Evils. Shad-Khan: Cromac killed Squang-Tzung! NOOOOOO! Quail-Pool: Yeah, yeah, horrible. *Hanging party streamers.* Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake? Shad-Khan: German Chocolate. Quail-Pool: You suck! I'll make it chocolate, then give it to some old curs. They will die. Shad-Khan: I like dogs! Quail-Pool: YOU SUCK TIMES TWO. Shad-Khan: YOU SUCK TIMES INFINITY. Quail-Pool: YOU SUCK TIMES... BEYOND INFINITY. Shad-Khan: YOU WENT TOO FAR. *Slaps with white glove.* Quail-Pool: *Slaps with black glove.* Shad-Khan: WILL THIS MADNESS EVER END?! Chapter 5: Traps and Stuff The good guys have just arrived at the evil fortress. Now only many traps and a strange creature stands in their way. Cromac: *Senses traps.* Hold on. There are crushing boulders in our way. Starpion: PFFFTTT. I'll just burn those big rocks. *Shoots fire above the group randomly.* Raven: YOU IDIOT. All you did was burn the rope away! *Rocks start to fall. Cromac catches them all with telekinesis.* Cromac: Go on ahead! I'll be fine! Raven: Uhhh... You know, I could just push the button that says: 'Stop avalanche of rocks.' Starpion: Wow, you really do get horrible vision in your older years. That says: 'Make rocks even bigger and avalanche even deadlier'. Bum-Zero: Really? Because it really looks like it says: St- *Get punched by Starpion.* Starpion: *Makes shushing sign, then winks to everybody.* *Everybody understands, and moves on.* Lo' Tail Cho': WOOOOOOHHHHH. That nagging cat is gone! I drink to that! *Gets drunk and falls asleep.* *Everybody just leaves him there.* Starpion: Look! A large building! *Goes inside.* Bum-Zero: He does know that says: 'Night Club', right? Raven: Yes. Yes he does. Starpion: *Comes out screaming and on fire.* THE BABES IN THERE WERE DEMONS. Raven: We are in Otherworld, you waste of fur. Of course they are. Starpion: They're still pretty hot, though. *Turns around to go back inside.* Raven: *Karate chops in head, knocking out.* Let's get moving. Everybody travels for a while, until they come upon a rather large refrigerator. Bum-Zero: EEEEKKKKKK. *Jumps behind Raven.* Raven: Why are you afraid of a refrigerator? Bum-Zero: When I was young, my mom got stuck in one. Raven: That's not too bad. Bum-Zero: IT WAS IN A CHINESE RESTAURANT. THEY ATE HER. *Cries.* Raven: ... *Barfs.* *As everyone is distracted, something jumps out of the refrigerator.* *Starpion wakes up, and notices the creatures.* Starpion: WHAT ARE THOSE?! *Everyone looks at weird creature. Starpion creates fire as a light source to see what the thing is.* Everyone: A PSYCHIC PIZZA?! *Psychic pizza jumps foward, prepared to attack.* *Everyone gets ready to fight, and the pizza charges.* Chapter 6: Psychic Pizza Attack?! Bum-Zero: Why are we fighting psychic pizzas? Raven: Lazy writing. Wafflez44: -_- Starpion: *Dodges psychic beam.* How come they can shoot mind lasers? Raven: Lazy writing. Wafflez44: *Cries.* Why is everybody so mean? Jay: How come I haven't had an individual line for this whole chapter? Raven: You're a boring character. Jay: HEY. I thought Starpion was supposed to be the jerky guy! Raven: You're just that bad of a cha- Hey, look! Starpion beat the psychic pizza! Starpion: I asked him to tactfully explain the process of birth. Jay: That'll do it. Now let's go! *Everybody goes into the fortress that everybody conveniantly failed to see earlier.* Chapter 7: Final Assault! *Everybody rushes into the fortress, confronting Quail-Pool and Shad-Khan.* Raven: You thought a psychic pizza could stop us? Your foolishness will be your ultimate downfall. Category:Wafflez' Spoofs